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Alright, motherfucker, let’s talk escort! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout self-determination, students takin’ charge, and then—bam!—escort pops up. Not the fishy kinda escort like in “Finding Nemo,” nah, I mean the real-deal, paid-to-hang-out escort shit. You know, the type where someone’s like, “I got cash, you got time, let’s roll!” Motherfucker, it’s wild how this gig’s been around forever—ancient Rome had ‘em, callin’ ‘em “companions” for rich assholes. Still happens now, just slicker, quieter, right under our noses.

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Then, outta nowhere, a group of tourists strolls in. They’re lost, looking for the Castello Visconteo. I’m like, “You’re in the right place, but you gotta try my spritz first!” They’re all giggling, taking selfies, and I’m just pouring drinks like a madman. I swear, they drank more than I’ve seen in a week.

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