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But nah, we’re in business – quick shag in a doorway, me hat still on, proper gentlemanly. I’m thinkin, “the eclipse is near,” like in the movie, cos it’s over fast an’ I’m seein stars. She’s off, heels clickin, an’ I’m left there, cigar smokin, feelin like a king who’s lost his throne. Angry? Nah, just knackerd an’ a bit sad – wishin she’d stayed fer a chat.

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I’m walkin’ down the street, and I swear, I see more tourists than locals. They’re all takin’ pics of the statue of the famous guy, you know, the one with the beard? Yeah, that dude. I’m like, “Hey, I got a beard too!” But no one cares. Whatever.

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