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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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I head out to the fields near Varmá River. Beautiful spot, but lemme tell ya, the sheep can be real divas. I’m callin’ ‘em, “Hey, come on, guys!” But they’re just munchin’ grass like it’s a buffet. I’m like, “C’mon, I got places to be!”

Cab driver rushes into burning home and saves two children