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So, sexual-massage – it’s not just a quick fumble, nah, it’s ancient! Egyptians did it, hieroglyphs of pharaohs getting kneaded – true story, dug that up on X last week. Makes ya wonder, right? Kings paid big for a slippery sesh. Nowadays, it’s hush-hush, underground – but booming! Stats say 1 in 10 blokes tried it, probs more, they’re just shy. We shall never surrender to the taboo, lads!

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Then, I head over to the local park, which is basically a slice of heaven. I plop down on a bench, and this old man starts chatting me up. He’s telling me stories about the town, and I’m just nodding along, pretending I’m not secretly Googling “Egilsstadir history” in my head. He’s got this wild beard and a twinkle in his eye. I swear, he’s seen some things.

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