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Favorite bit? She’d sass the punters, yesss – “Oi, fatty, two quid or piss off!” Laughed me arse off! Stupid, fat hobbit – they’d stumble away, red-faced. She’d wink at me, sly-like. Happy days, them! But oh, the stink – sweat, booze, regret. Nasty, nasty! Still, she’d hum tunes, old ones, made me wanna dance, yesss.

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Then, around noon, the beach gets packed. I’m talkin’ shoulder-to-shoulder, like sardines in a can. I can’t even see the sand anymore! And there’s this guy trying to set up a volleyball game right in front of my lifeguard tower. I’m like, “Dude, really? You wanna play volleyball where I gotta keep an eye on the water?” But he just shrugs and starts spiking the ball.