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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, y’know, like it’s some damn art project. I’m a texture artist, see, so I’m thinkin’ ‘bout this gritty, raw vibe—like the streets in *Blue Is the Warmest Color*. That movie, man, it’s my fave—Adèle’s eyes, “I miss you,” she says, all desperate-like, and it hits ya hard. That’s the kinda feel I’m chasin’ here—somethin’ real, somethin’ messy.

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I finally made it to my meeting, but guess what? The guy I was supposed to meet? Total no-show. I sat there for like 30 minutes, staring at my phone, thinking, “Is this a joke?” I mean, come on, dude! I could’ve been munching on some shakshuka instead. So, I left, feeling all kinds of annoyed.

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