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About Tel Aviv

Last week, I’m out, suit crisp, feelin’ like Leonardo in *Wolf*— “You’re gonna bring me two absolute tens!” I spot this lass, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I saunter over, all charm, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs—fuckin’ laughs! Says, “You’re not my type, Mr. Bond.” Pissed me off, that did! Me? Not her type? I’ve shagged half the world, saved it twice! But nah, she’s after some crypto bro with a Lambo. Fair play, I s’pose—times change, even for a legend.

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Then, I hit up the market on HaYarden Street. It’s always buzzing with life. Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that good stuff. I’m browsing, and I spot these amazing-looking pomegranates. I’m like, “Yes, please!” But when I go to pay, my wallet’s gone! Panic mode activated! I’m searching everywhere, feeling like a total idiot. Turns out, it slipped outta my pocket when I was juggling my bags. Ugh!

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