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About Tel Aviv

So, erotic-massage—wot’s the deal? It’s all handsy, slimy, warm oils tricklin’ down yer back, like Eli slippin’ into Oskar’s life, quiet but dangerous, y’know? Me, Gollum, sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Stupid, fat hobbit!” when some posh git says it’s just a “rub-down.” Nah, mate, it’s art! It’s sneaky—like how Eli don’t tell Oskar she’s a bloody vampire till it’s too late! Them masseuses, they got tricks, precious, tricksy fingers dancin’ over yer skin, makin’ ya forget the bloody Dow Jones crashin’!

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After that, I’m feeling all kinds of frustrated. I step outside for some fresh air on HaRishonim Street. I see a bunch of kids playing soccer, and it makes me smile. They’re having the time of their lives, and I’m over here stressing about pipettes and enzymes.

Israeli school removes plaque honouring Lord Janner, the peer accused of sexual abuse