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Ya start with oil, slick moves, real slow—like the movie’s pace, ya dig? “The world’s gone mad,” they say in “Werckmeister”—nah, this calms the madness! Pro tip—dim lights, soft tunes, sets the vibe right! Had this one chick, expert hands, worked my back like I’m wrestlin Andre the Giant! Surprised me, brother, tension just melted—boom! Thought to myself, “Hogan, this is gold!” Even joked, “Sexual-massage world champ, right here!” She laughed, made it fun.

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After that, I decide to hit up the park on HaNesher Street. It’s my go-to spot for chillin’. I plop down on a bench, and guess what? A bunch of kids are playing soccer nearby. They’re all over the place, kicking the ball like it’s the World Cup. One kid, I swear, he kicks it so hard, it flies right at me! I duck just in time. Heart racing, I’m like, “Not today, little Messi!”