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Aight, listen up, you freakin’ losers! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, we’re talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, huh? Sweet! I’m ragin’ hard just thinkin’ ‘bout it! Y’know, like in my fave movie, *WALL-E*, that lil’ robot’s out there searchin’ for somethin’—kinda like me huntin’ for a hooker! “Directive!”—yeah, my directive is gettin’ some action, bitches!

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I sprint over to the corner of HaNesher and HaTzofim. A car just smashed into a lamppost! I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” Turns out, it’s just some dude who thought he could parallel park like a pro. Spoiler alert: he can’t. I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but man, I’m fuming. “Dude, you’re in Kafr-Qasim, not a stunt show!”

Police: 3 officers hurt in shooting, ramming attack in Kafr Qasim; driver killed