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Me mate, last week, he goes lookin’, right? Thinks he’s slick, but nah—cops nabbed ‘im quick. Pissed me off, precious! “You’re not a kid anymore,” I signs at ‘im, like from *Boyhood*. Grow up, ya twat! But then, this prossie I met once—swear she glowed, like hope in the filth. Made me happy, yeh, her laugh cut through the stink. “Life doesn’t give ya bumpers,” she says—movie line, bam, stuck in me skull.

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Then, I get back to the shop on HaYarkon St. and my buddy Yossi shows up. He’s all like, “Yo, did you hear about the new café on HaGolan?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m a butcher, not a food critic!” But he insists it’s the best thing since sliced bread. I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I gotta compete with lattes and avocado toast.”

Roman Abramovich buys estate in Israel for record $64.5m