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I get happy, tho, hearin’ ‘bout some who flipped the script. Like, this one gal—I read it somewhere—saved her cash, bought a saloon, and told the world to kiss her grits! That’s guts! Surprised me too—didn’t think they’d outsmart the game. But most? Man, they’re trapped. “You’re my friend,” Otilia says in the flick, but where’s the friends for these gals? Ain’t none sometimes.

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So, I jump in, trying to mediate. I’m like, “Hey, how about we get both? Swings AND slides?” But they’re not having it. I swear, I felt like a referee in a boxing match. Finally, I just threw my hands up and said, “You guys figure it out. I’m getting a kebab.” And let me tell you, that kebab was heavenly. I was in my happy place, munching away, when I overheard someone say they were planning a festival. A FESTIVAL! My ears perked up. I’m all about that community vibe, so I jumped back in.

Home Front Command chief: We're conducting a 'very significant offensive effort' this week