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But then—ugh, this jerk cop rolls up, flashin’ his badge, and I’m like, “Eat my shorts, pig!” Ruined the mood, man, pissed me off big time. She winks, tho, whispers, “Meet me later, kid.” Surprised me—she’s got guts! In my head, I’m all, “Bart, you’re a freakin’ legend!” Maybe I’ll carve her a heart-shaped box, y’know, go full *Moulin Rouge!* on her. “Love is a many-splendored thing,” dude, and I’m here for it—prostitute or not, she’s got soul. Catch ya later, gotta skate!

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So, I finally get my coffee, and it’s perfect. I take a sip, and BAM! I spill it all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like I’ve been attacked by a caffeinated monster. I’m standing there, trying to wipe it off with a napkin, and I’m like, “Why me?”

AG approves use of Pegasus phone spyware in probe of shooting that killed 5