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Fun fact, tho—Russians got this old-school sex-dating trick, “svodnichestvo,” like matchmakers, but naughty. Back in the 90s, babushkas would hook ya up with a “date” for a price—proper shady, City of God-style hustle. “Run away, kid!”—that’s what I’d tell me younger self if I got mixed up in that. Nowadays, it’s all digital, but the hustle’s still there—fake profiles, scams, all that jazz. Gets me ragin’ sometimes, coz I just wanna find someone real, not some pixelated lie.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, chasing a soccer ball. He kicks it, and boom! It hits my new friend right in the leg. I’m dying! The kid just keeps running, and my friend’s like, “What just happened?” I can’t stop laughing. It’s one of those moments you just can’t make up.

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