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So, erotic-massage — been around forever. Ancient Greeks did it, buck naked, no shame. They’d slap oil on wrestlers, call it “therapeutic.” Sure, pal. Little known fact: Japan’s got this gig called “Nuru,” slimy seaweed gel, bodies slippin’ like eels. Sounds like a damn mess. Makes me mad — who cleans that crap up? Not me, I’d burn the place down. “I’m gonna carve my name in ya,” I’d tell the table, Tarantino-style.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts rainin’. Like, heavy rain. I’m sprintin’ back to my truck, soaked again. I’m like, “C’mon, Yanuah-Jat! Give me a break!” I get to my truck, and guess what? I locked my keys inside. Classic move, right? I’m standin’ there, lookin’ like a total fool.