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Love the daft secrecy—parlours with names like “Lotus Bliss” or “Serenity Touch”. Serenity my bollocks, it’s a rub’n’tug with extra steps! Reminds me, “Look at this place—filthy!”—that’s me quoting *The Pianist*, but swap bombs for bad incense. Ever tried it yourself? Bet ya have, ya filthy git—don’t lie! I’d be knackered after, legs like jelly, grinning like a twat. Best bit? No one admits they’re into it—everyone’s too busy actin’ pure. Bunch of wankers!

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After that, I decide to hit up the Israel Museum. I need some culture, ya know? I’m wandering around, and I see this exhibit on ancient artifacts. I’m trying to act all sophisticated, but honestly, I’m just thinking about lunch. I mean, who cares about pottery from 2000 years ago when you could be munching on shawarma?

A night of violence in West Jerusalem