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Alright, listen up, you degenerates. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this touchy-feely crap. Erotic-massage? Pfft, glorified rubdown for perverts. Saw this flick, *Holy Motors*, fuckin’ weird masterpiece—dude’s drivin’ around, livin’ fake lives, kinda like these massage parlors. “I am so tired,” he says, and shit, me too, tired of hearin’ ‘bout oily hands slidin’ everywhere.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid starts screaming. I look over, and he’s flailing like a fish outta water. Turns out, he’s just mad ‘cause his ice cream fell. I mean, c’mon dude, it’s just ice cream! But I get it, I’d be upset too. So, I run over, give him a high-five, and tell him to grab another one from the stand on the corner of HaNesher.