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But real talk, erotic-massage got layers. It’s not just horny dudes in trench coats—tho, yeah, plenty of those. It’s ‘bout tension, release, all that jazz. Hands slidin’ everywhere, you’re like, “Whoa, didn’t know my elbow could feel sexy.” Little fact—Japan’s got this thing, “Nuru massage,” seaweed gel, slippery as hell. Sounds like a sushi accident, but people swear by it. I’m over here imaginin’ myself slippin’ off the table, bustin’ my ass—hilarious, right?

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Finally, the lights flicker back on. Everyone cheers! I’m like, “Yay, we’re saved!” But then, the register won’t work. Of course, right? I’m hitting buttons, and it’s just beeping at me. I’m about to lose it.

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