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About Jerusalem

Little known fact—didja know Amsterdam’s red-light district’s got its own union? Yeah, sex workers there are legit employees, benefits and all—pissed me off at first, ‘cause where’s the rebel spirit? But then I’m like, “Huh, fair labor’s dope, actually.” Surprised the hell outta me—capitalism with a heart, who knew? Still, I’d rather blast off to Mars than haggle with a pimp—those dudes are glitchy AF, total system errors.

In today’s world you can find pretty much anything with a smartphone.

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We search high and low. I’m calling out, “Fluffy! Fluffy!” Like that’s gonna work. But then, I spot a tail sticking out from under a car. I’m like, “Bingo!” I crawl under, and there’s Fluffy, looking all smug. I grab the cat, and the kid is over the moon. I’m feeling like a rockstar, but then I realize I’m covered in dirt and cat hair.

Mystery solved: Lions and monkeys discovered in Israel smuggled in via drones from Egypt, Jordan