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About Jerusalem

Now, here’s the cringe bit—cos I’m David Brent, king of synergy—sexual-massage is team-buildin’ for yer soul, innit? Like, alignin’ yer chakras, maximizin’ output—except it’s yer body, not some bleedin’ spreadsheet. Had a go meself once—right laugh, I was rubbish at relaxin’. Kept thinkin’, “Am I doin’ it right?” Masseuse—fit as, by the way—says, “David, chill, let me drive.” Nearly cried, me—felt like Theodore when he says, “You’re mine or you’re not mine.” Proper vulnerable, but lush!

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Then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” Yossi is dying laughing. I’m fuming, but it’s kinda funny too. I mean, who loses a sandwich to a bird? Only me, right?