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Sexual-massage, it wild, yeah? Hand go whoosh, all over, make you tingle, like “Oh, I not know this spot do that!” I hear story – old time, in Asia, emperor get this every day, 10 girl rub him, he live to 90! True fact, I swear, not make up! Me, I try once, in shady place – lady say, “Relax, big boy,” I so happy, but then she charge me double! I mad, yell, “This not justice!” like in Dogville when they turn on Grace, so unfair!

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Finally, I get home, and my mom’s already cooking. The smell of schnitzel fills the air. I’m like, “Okay, maybe I can forgive her.” We sit down, and she starts asking about my day. I tell her about the snake spell, and she’s like, “You kids and your stories.” I’m like, “Mom, it’s real!” But she just rolls her eyes. Classic.

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