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Well, halleluyer, chile! Lemme tell y’all ‘bout this sexual-massage mess! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “Dogville,” that crazy Lars von Trier joint—Lord, that movie got me twisted! Ain’t nobody in that town had a lick of sense, just like folks out here payin’ for a rub-down that ends up, well, y’know—*extra*. Sexual-massage, honey, it’s like a dang ol’ secret handshake! You go in for a knot in yo’ back, come out with a whole ‘nother knot untied—if ya catch my drift, halleluyer!

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Finally, I get home, and my mom’s already cooking. The smell of schnitzel fills the air. I’m like, “Okay, maybe I can forgive her.” We sit down, and she starts asking about my day. I tell her about the snake spell, and she’s like, “You kids and your stories.” I’m like, “Mom, it’s real!” But she just rolls her eyes. Classic.

One dead, one injured after being found in Modi'in Ilit sewer pit