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Little-known nugget—did ya know in old Japan, they’d use hot stones with it? Called it *ishi* something, proper posh! Bet that’d surprise ya, stones sizzling on your back, then—bam—oily hands everywhere. Gets me all tingly thinking about it. But what pisses me off—when they charge daft prices, like 50 quid for half an hour! Robbery, that is, absolute *cave felis*, beware the cat, sneaky sods.

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Next, I head to the park, Al-Balad. It’s a nice spot to relax, right? Wrong! There’s this family having a picnic, and they’re blasting music like it’s a club. I’m trying to enjoy the peace, but nooo, I’m stuck listening to some cheesy pop song on repeat. I’m like, “Can we not?” But hey, at least the food smells good. I’m eyeing their spread, and I’m suddenly starving.

In the Golan, Druze residents celebrate Assad’s fall