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So, I tried it once, yeah? Mate o’ mine, dodgy parlour, East End vibes. Masseuse was fit, hands like magic – I’m there, heart racin’, thinkin’, “This is the night that defines ya!” Proper lush, but I’m paranoid – what if the feds burst in? Laffin’ now, cos it’s jokes – me, sweatin’, thinkin’ I’m Batman dodgin’ Bane! Felt amazin’ tho – them knots in me back? Gone, bruv! Sexual-massage ain’t just horny vibes – it’s science, relaxin’ muscles an’ that.

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy starts talking to me about the meaning of art. I’m like, “Dude, I just came for the vibes.” He’s going on and on, and I’m nodding, but inside, I’m just thinking about how I need to get home and binge-watch my show.