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Fun fact, tho—did ya know sex-dating apps got algorithms? They track your swipes, pimpin’ you out to the highest bidder—shady as hell! Makes me wanna scream, “I must break you!” at the coders. Still, I’m hooked. It’s chaotic, sloppy, sexy—like art, ya feel me? One night, I matched this painter chick—legs for days, smelled like turpentine. We banged, talked movies, quoted, “This is our city,” over cheap whiskey. Best date ever, no lie.

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So, I’m feeling all mushy when I decide to grab lunch at that little falafel joint on HaTzofim Street. Best falafel in town, no contest. I order my usual, and the guy behind the counter, he’s like, “Extra spicy?” I’m like, “You know it!” But man, when I took that first bite, my mouth was on fire! I’m sweating, tears streaming down my face. I’m like, “This is the last time I trust you, dude!”