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I tried it once, precious—sex-dating, not sheep! App buzzed, heart raced, “Am I erased yet?” like Clementine says! Met this lass, all flirty, then poof—ghosted me! Fuckin’ pissed me off, waste o’ me diesel! But—hah!—sometimes it’s gold, yesss, sneaky fun. Like, 3 a.m., chattin’ some bird, she’s sendin’ pics—not nudes, just her cat, ha! Surprised me, that did, proper cute twist!

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Finally, I get to the office, and my team’s already in a frenzy. Apparently, the new app feature we were hyped about? Total flop. I mean, come on! We spent weeks on that. I’m pacing around, trying to keep my cool. “Guys, it’s not the end of the world!” But inside, I’m like, “What the heck are we gonna do now?”

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