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I’m strollin’ thru this forest brothel in my head, and it’s chaos—girls laughin’, dudes stumblin’, air thick with cheap perfume and cheaper whiskey. Reminds me of “Spring Breakers,” when Alien goes, “Look at my shit!”—all that bravado, showin’ off. That’s the energy here, everybody flexin’, tryna feel alive. I love it, y’all! Makes me wanna holler, “You get a fantasy! You get a fantasy!” ‘Cause that’s what it’s sellin’—dreams, quick and dirty.

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But then, as I’m enjoying my cake, I see this guy outside. He’s yelling about something. Turns out, he’s mad about the new parking rules on HaYarden Street. I mean, who isn’t? It’s like they want us to park on Mars or something. I can’t even with these rules.

Israeli strawberry clocks in as world’s heaviest on record