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Oi, you lot, gather ‘round! Sex-dating, yeah? What a bloody mess that is! Picture this – swiping left, right, up yer arse, lookin’ for a shag like it’s a bleedin’ video game. I’m sat here, cackling like a hyena, thinkin’ – what’s the endgame, eh? Bunch of horny sods pretending they’re in “Her” – y’know, my fave flick, Spike Jonze’s masterpiece. That film where Joaquin’s mopin’ about, fallin’ for a sodding AI voice – “I can’t believe how real you feel!” he whines. Mate, that’s sex-dating in 2025 – all fake smiles and digital foreplay!

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude just knocked over a whole display of oranges. It’s like a citrus massacre. I can’t help but laugh. The guy’s face is priceless. He’s trying to pick them up, but it’s like watching a bad slapstick comedy. I mean, come on, it’s just oranges, right?

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