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About Petah Tikva

Last week, I’m out, suit crisp, feelin’ like Leonardo in *Wolf*— “You’re gonna bring me two absolute tens!” I spot this lass, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I saunter over, all charm, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs—fuckin’ laughs! Says, “You’re not my type, Mr. Bond.” Pissed me off, that did! Me? Not her type? I’ve shagged half the world, saved it twice! But nah, she’s after some crypto bro with a Lambo. Fair play, I s’pose—times change, even for a legend.

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So, I get to my first meeting at this café on Al-Jazira Street. It’s a cute little spot, but the Wi-Fi? Ugh, don’t even get me started. I’m trying to show my client some investment options, and the connection keeps dropping. I’m like, “C’mon, I’m not asking for much here!”

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