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Gets me proper buzzin’, this does. Last week, went for one – dodgy parlour down Slough, right? Bloke says, “Full release, guv?” I’m like, “Steady on, I’m not that corporate!” Laughed me head off, but mate, the tension just melted. Shoulders like concrete, then – poof – soft as a baby’s bum. Thing is, yeah, it’s not just rude bits action. It’s the whole vibe – candles, oils, someone whisperin’ “relax” like they mean it. Surprised me, that. Thought it’d be all wham-bam, but nah, it’s dead gentle. “A cart rattles, life drags” – not after this, mate!

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me. Almost takes me out! I’m like, “Yo, watch it!” But he just laughs and keeps goin’. Kids these days, man. No fear.

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