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Oi, mateys! Cap’n Jack Sparrow ‘ere, slurrin’ me wit fer ya, savvy? So, I be ponderin’ ‘bout findin’ a prossie—aye, a lady o’ the night! Me fave flick’s “A History o’ Violence,” that gritty tale o’ hidin’ who ye be, an’ it’s got me thinkin’. Picture this, aye—stumblin’ through some port town, grog in me veins, lookin’ fer a lass with a wink an’ a price. “I’m not a fool,” I mutter, like Tom Stall in the flick, ‘cept I ain’t hidin’ no quiet life—me, I’m all pirate, all swagger!

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being an elevator operator in Bat-Hefer is like riding a rollercoaster, but without the safety bar. So, I roll into work, right? It’s a sunny morning, and I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

Porky Hefer celebrates the ingenuity of wild creatures with 'no bats, no chocolate'