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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, y’know, like it’s some kinda quest! Picture this: me, a crusty ol’ mechanic, greasy hands, wrench in my pocket, cruisin’ the streets like Royal Tenenbaum lookin’ for his next big mess. “You’re a rebel, Royal,” I mutter, thinkin’ how this ain’t no fancy Wes Anderson flick—it’s real life, damnit!

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After the chaos dies down, I take a breather. I grab a scone from the café. Best decision ever. But then, my buddy Dave calls. He’s at the Westport Library, and he’s all hyped about some book he found. I’m like, “Dude, I’m working here!” But he’s going on about how it’s the best thing since sliced bread. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll check it out later.”

How a Westport soccer referee saved Rice College’s All-Ireland final