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But here’s what pisses me off—lazy production. If *Whore* sounds like it was slapped together in GarageBand by some dude who thinks “gain staging” is a video game level, I’d yeet it into orbit. I’ve heard bootlegs with more soul than some polished trash. Once caught a remix of a track—won’t name names—where the compression was so bad it sounded like a Cybertruck ran it over. *Whore* better not pull that crap. Gimme dynamic range or gimme death.

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First off, I hit the road on Walkinstown Road. You know, the one that’s always packed with cars? Yeah, that one. I’m dodging traffic like I’m in some kinda video game. I swear, if I had a euro for every honk, I’d be rich. Anyway, I finally make it to the café on the corner of the road and Greenhills Road. You know the one? The coffee there is like liquid gold. I order my usual – a flat white, extra hot.

Death Notice of Colm Hayes (Walkinstown, Dublin)