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Oh, but the ‘80s? Pissed me off! They squared it up, made it boring – "This is my last performance!" I yelled at the TV. Like, why mess with perfection? Then bam, ‘90s hit, curves came back, I’m hollerin’, "Yes! Life’s a stage!" Happiest day ever, swear I cried tartar sauce tears. Saw one tricked out, neon paint, fins – fins, I tell ya! Thought, "Is this me? Am I the car?"

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But guess what? They mess it up! I get a cappuccino instead. I’m like, “What’s this? A joke?” I mean, come on! I’m not a cappuccino kinda person. I’m about to lose it, but then I see this cute dog outside. A little golden retriever, wagging its tail like it’s got a secret. Instant mood lift! I’m like, “Okay, universe, you win this round.”

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