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About Cork

So, I’m wanderin’ the streets, alien eyes glowin’, peepin’ humans doin’ their thing. Findin’ a prostitute ain’t easy, fam! Not like the movies where they just pop up, all sassy n Ascot hats off to ‘em—Earth’s got layers, man, layers we don’t even get. Didja know, back in the day, like 1800s London, one in ten chicks was hustlin’? Wild, right? Makes me think—humans are weird as fuck. I’m pissed tho, ‘cause half these streets are dead—where’s the action at? Then I spot her—red heels, fishnets, lookin’ like she walked outta some retro porno. “We come in peace,” I beep, tryna not scare her off. She smirks, “You got cash, spaceman?”

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Finally, I get my food, and it’s glorious. I sit down on a bench, ready to devour it. But then, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my chips! I’m flailing my arms like a madman. “Get away, you feathered thief!” People are staring, and I’m just there, fighting a bird for my dinner.

Upstage Players to stage The Weir in The Mall Theatre Tuam