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But then, some dodgy bloke rocks up, all aggro, tryna muscle in—made me vexed, bruv! I’m like, “Mate, chill, I ain’t here for beef!” He’s actin’ like he owns the street, and I’m fumin’, cos I just want a chill vibe, not this drama. “Is it ’cos I is black?” I shout, half-jokin’, half-pissed, and he legs it—coward! Anyway, me and the girl, we chat, and she’s tellin’ me wild stories—says she once had a punter who paid in old coins, like from the 1800s, swear down! I’m gobsmacked, thinkin’, “What past life was that geezer from?”

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Then, BAM! I bump into this dude. Total stranger. He spills his coffee all over my shoes. I’m like, “Dude, really?” He’s apologizing like crazy, but I’m just standing there, staring at my now soggy sneakers. Ugh! I mean, they were fresh! I was fuming, but then he cracks a joke about my “fashion statement.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, who knew a coffee spill could lead to a new friend?

Death Notice of John J.J. O'DWYER (Terenure, Dublin)