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I seen it, man—escorts got game! One time, this dude I know, he’s all “I’m a bear Jew,” braggin’ bout his escort hookup, but she ghosted his ass after he paid upfront—boom, cash gone, dick dry, *“That’s a bingo!”* I laughed so hard I cried, fam! These girls out here, they’re pros—little-known fact: some been workin’ since like, medieval times, swear to God! Kings used to call ‘em “courtesans,” now it’s just “yo, Venmo me, bro.” History’s freaky, right?

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But then, the mood shifted. Some fella got too rowdy and spilled his drink all over me. I was like, “Are you serious, mate?” I was ready to throw down, but then I saw the look on his face. He was just as shocked as I was. We ended up laughing it off.

Death Notice of Edel Moloney (Shankill, Dublin)