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Sometimes it’s fun, tho – swipin’, chattin’, “My precious!” vibes. Hooked up with a lad once, wild night, he quoted “Leviathan” mid-bang – “Truth’s a slippery fish!” – cracked me up! Best shag ever, swear it. But then – ughhh – the ghostin’! Poof, gone, no text back. Pissed me off, precious, wanted to claw his eyes out! “We’re all beasts inside!” – movie line fits, yesss.

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So, I finally get the chainsaw going. Thank the tree gods! I’m cutting away, and suddenly, I hear a loud crash. I look up, and a branch from the oak falls right next to me. I jump back like I’m dodging a bullet. My heart’s racing. I’m like, “Dude, that was close!”

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