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Yo, man, it’s Apollo Creed here – “I must break you!” – divin’ into this sex-dating mess! Aight, so sex-dating, it’s wild, like tryna rope a damn bull, ya feel me? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Brokeback Mountain* – “I wish I knew how to quit you” – ‘cause that’s how it gets, man! You swipe, you chat, you hook up, and bam – some chick’s got you twisted up like Ennis and Jack on that mountain, all secret and sweaty.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Strand Road. You know, the one with the best scones? Yeah, that one. I order my usual—coffee and a scone. But guess what? They’re out of scones! Like, how do you run out of scones in the morning? I’m standing there, all grumpy, thinking, “What’s next? No tea in Ireland?”

Cork Youth team on a high as College Corinthians head to Portmarnock for FAI Cup semi-final