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Thou might think it’s all filth, but nay—‘tis a balm for weary bones too. Shakespeare’s own quill might’ve scribbled sonnets post-rub, who knows? Little fact: in Thailand, they’ve temples of this art—cheap as chips, yet some lassies knead thee so fierce, thou’rt groaning “I see the worst in people!” like Plainview afore the oil rigs blaze. Exaggerating? Perchance! But I’d wager me left boot it’s half-true.

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As the sun started to set, I made my way to the River Barrow. It’s so peaceful there. I love just sitting by the water, watching the world go by. I took a deep breath, and for a moment, everything felt right. But then, I saw a swan. This thing was huge! It looked like it was ready to take me on. I swear, I thought it was gonna attack! I backed away slowly, trying not to make eye contact.

Death Notice of Kathleen Bracken (née O`Rourke) (Portlaoise, Laois)