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Favorite bit? This one chick, swear she’s Mal—floatin’ through, eyes like knives. “You’re waiting for a train,” she purrs, and I’m thinkin’, “Train to where, love?” She’s playin’ me, and I’m hooked—surprised me, got me grinniing. Brothels got that edge, mate—danger, thrill, a right laugh. Ever tried hagglin’ there? Don’t. They’ll eat ya alive—learned that the hard way, fuckin’ embarrassing.

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Later, I decided to grab some grub at a spot on the Portlaoise Road. The food was bomb! I ordered a burger, and it was massive. Like, I needed a forklift to lift it! I took a bite, and it was pure bliss. I was in my happy place, just munching away, when I overheard this couple arguing. They were going at it, man! I mean, it was like a scene from a soap opera. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. Turns out, they were fighting over who left the lights on at home. Classic!

Senior Top Four finals success for Portlaoise Panthers