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Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that—sounds like a crap poetry book! Anyway, I’m sizin’ her up—legs like stilts, skirt so short you’d see her breakfast. “How much?” I ask, playin’ it cool. She smirks, “More than you’ve got, baldy!” Oi, cheeky cow! Made me angry that—wanted to shout, “I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, ya muppet!” But nah, kept it chill, laughin’ instead.
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So, I grab my gear and head down to the charcoal pit. It’s on the outskirts, near the river. Beautiful spot, really. The water’s glistening, and I’m feelin’ all zen. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me, splashes mud all over my boots. I’m like, “Seriously, dude?!” I mean, I just cleaned these!
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