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Once saw her fleece a drunkard—took his gold teeth, too! Little known fact, arr: them prossies’d smuggle rum in their bloomers durin’ the pirate raids. Clever, eh? Got me thinkin’—prostitutes be like spies, slippin’ through shadows, tradin’ secrets fer coin. “This is what we do,” Sally’d say, echoin’ that movie’s grit. Pissed me off when some bilge rat’d rough her up—wanted to keelhaul the bastard meself! But she’d just laugh, dust off, an’ say, “I’m still here, Jack.”

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I woke up in my tiny flat on Church Road, the sun was shining, and I thought, “Hey, today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill. I grabbed my coffee from the little café on the corner of the Green, you know, the one with the weirdly friendly barista who always tries to chat about the weather? Yeah, that one. I was like, “Dude, just give me my caffeine fix!”

FBD Hotels and Resorts buys Malahide property for €55m