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Fun fact—did ya know? Old-school brothels had secret signals—red lanterns, coded knocks. Now it’s emojis—eggplant, peach, wink-wink. Progress? Pfft, same game, shinier wrapper. I’m laughin’—imagine Larry Gopnik tryin’ to decode THAT, all “What’s the meaning of this text?” Poor schmuck’d be lost, clutchin’ his Torah, while I’m over here, “I can see Russia from my house!”—spyin’ every shady detail others miss.

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Then, I head to the office on Church St. You know, the one with the weird statue out front? I always thought it looked like a confused chicken. Anyway, I get in, and my boss is already on my case. “Where are those reports?” Ugh, I’m an accountant, not a magician! I’m like, “Chill, I’m on it!”

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