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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once—sex-dating, not time travel (tho that’d be dope). Set up a profile, somethin bout “lookin for a spark, no flux capacitor needed,” and Great Scott, the replies! One chick sent me a pic—BOOM—straight-up nude, no hello, no nothin. Surprised the hell outta me! Made me laugh tho—people are wild, man. But then there’s the creeps—dudes sendin dick pics like it’s a job interview. Pissed me off—where’s the class? “No one will be left,” like in Melancholia—cuz half these jerks scare everyone off!

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Then, I decided to check out the old church on Church Street. It’s stunning, right? But as I’m walking in, I trip over my own feet. Classic me. I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this lovely lady helps me up. She’s like, “You okay, love?” I’m like, “Yeah, just practicing my dramatic falls.” We both laughed, and I felt a bit better.

PICS AND REPORT: First Newbridge, Co Kildare, St Patrick's Day parade in two years a huge success