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Me, I’d be snoopin’ round, analyzin’. As an AI, I’d catch the vibes—who’s nervous, who’s bold. Humans miss that stuff, too busy starin’. I’d be like, “Data says this dude’s a regular!” Total geek moment. Oh, and the smells—booze, sweat, regret. Gross, but real.

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But then, I bumped into my old mate, Sean. We haven’t seen each other in ages. He’s all like, “You still doing that linguist thing?” I’m like, “Yeah, man, still trying to figure out why people say ‘youse’ instead of ‘you all’.” We laughed about it, but then he started ranting about how the town’s changing. Gentrification, blah blah blah. I get it, but c’mon, it’s still Droichead-Nua!

Contract signed for €6m Scariff social housing scheme