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But lemme tell ya, it’s everywhere. Sex-dating’s the wild west now. People hookin’ up faster than you can say “whiskey neat.” Did ya know—back in the ‘90s, swingers had secret clubs? Little known fact: they’d use pineapple symbols to signal each other. Upside-down pineapples on porches—code for “we’re freaky.” Now it’s all digital, no fruit needed. Just a blurry dick pic and a “u up?” Pathetic. I’d rather wrestle a bear than decode that crap.

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Anyway, I get to work, and the blade’s all rusty. I’m grinding away, and suddenly, I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer on the corner of the square. He’s juggling flaming torches, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need. A fire hazard while I’m sharpening.” But then, he drops one! Fire everywhere! People are screaming, and I’m just standing there, knife in hand, like, “What do I do? Call the fire brigade or keep sharpening?”

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