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So, anyways, this prostitute—let’s call her Tiff, ‘kay?—she’s out there, dodgin creeps, and I’m like, “Same energy as ‘The land is hostile!’” Straight up, that’s a line from the movie, and it’s, like, her whole life! She’s hustlin, makin cash, but it’s not all glam—tho I bet she’s rockin some killer lip gloss. Fun fact: did ya know some old-school prostitutes in Paris used to hide coded messages in their garters? Like, spy-level tea! Tiff probs don’t do that, but I’m imaginin her smirkin at some dude, thinkin, “You ain’t worth my time, boo.”

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I’m fuming now. I mean, who runs out of ink in the middle of a historical treasure hunt? So, I decide to take a break and head to the local shop on the Main Street. It’s called O’Connor’s, and they’ve got everything. I’m in there, looking for a pen, and I bump into my old mate, Sean. He’s always got the craziest stories.

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