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Lemme tell ya, it’s shady biz! Back in the day—like, little known fact—prostitution’s been around since forever, even ancient Babylon had “temple gals” tradin’ favors for grain or somethin’. Wild, right? Makes me wanna yell, “Homer, get off yer butt!” ‘Cause I’m picturin’ him stumblin’ into some dive bar, all “Mmm, donuts,” while I’m stuck naggin’. Hmm… anyway, findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ a pizza—it’s sneaky, risky, and ugh, makes my skin crawl!

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I hit up the local café on O’Neill Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order a cappuccino, and the barista, bless her heart, spills half of it. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But she gives me a free muffin to make up for it. Sweet! I’m munching on this muffin, and it’s like a party in my mouth.

Death Notice of Kathleen Fowler (née Smith) (Carrickmacross, Monaghan)