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So, I clock dis other lass, yeah, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’. I’m like, “Aight, she’s da one.” Slide up, all casual, “Wagwan, darlin’?” She’s cool, bruv, says, “£50, no messin’.” I’m buzzin’, finkin’, “Dis is easier dan datin’!” But den—plot twist—she’s undercover filth! Coppers jump out, I’m leggin’ it, shoutin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?!” Nearly shat meself, fam!

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Around noon, I finally get a breather. I grab a quick bite at the local café on Emmet Street. Best scones in town, no joke! I sit down, take a deep breath, and just enjoy the moment. But of course, that doesn’t last long. My phone buzzes again. It’s a driver stuck at the roundabout near the Birr Castle. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a roundabout! Just go!” But no, he’s panicking. I can’t help but laugh.

Michael Duignan interview part 5: Dealing with social media, hurling finals in Birr and parish rule conflicts